The True Cost of Marrying Someone with Chronic Illness

The True Cost of Marrying Someone with Chronic Illness


Since becoming engaged last May, my life has been a whirlwind of dress shopping, venue searching, color picking, and the countless joys and challenges of planning a wedding. My fiancé and I have both worked hard to ensure the focus of our wedding continues to be our shared faith in God, and excluding some struggle with the guest list, planning thus far has been quite enjoyable.

He did himself proud on the ring, amirite?

As long as I’ve known him, my fiancé has been incredibly compassionate and patient when it comes to my EDS diagnosis. He’s taken time to learn about the condition, my prognosis, what works for my body and what doesn’t, and never second-guesses when I’m just too tired or in too much pain to do something. He pushes me to stay committed to my physical fitness and does little things every day that make life so much easier for me.

When two become one, finances inevitably enter the conversation at some point. All along, I’ve been so thankful for the grace my fiancé shows when dealing with my health, and he’s made it clear that I shouldn’t feel guilt about this “burden” he is now helping me to carry. And until this point, I’ve agreed with him.

In the last few weeks, as we’ve been figuring out health insurance options, I’ve begun thinking about my medical costs. All things considered, it’s not bad. A few prescriptions, office visits and spinal procedures with my specialist here and there. But because I won’t turn 26 until after the wedding, I’ve been fortunate to always be included in my mother’s insurance coverage which, because she is a teacher, is the Cadillac of insurance plans.

Tonight I realized that I’ll soon be paying more for my medical care than ever before, and a large part of that burden falls on my soon-to-be husband. The amount of guilt I feel for this fact is colossal. I know that my health has nothing to do with why we are getting married, but I can’t help feeling regret for the enormous responsibility he is incurring by marrying me.

Fortunately, my fiancé does not feel this way. As he once again told me tonight, “it’s only money.” I’m abundantly grateful for the understanding and unequivocal love he has for me. Not only in the face of this financial burden, but in everything that comes with loving someone with chronic pain. He’s going into this knowing about the good and bad days I have. Days where I’m talking to him at million miles an hour because for once my brain isn’t foggy, and days where I can do nothing but lay on the couch out of sheer exhaustion and pain.

Words cannot express the thankfulness I feel for finding such a good man. I suppose the true cost, or rather the price to pay, for marrying someone with chronic illness is unconditional love. Because that’s what it takes to love me on my bad days. On those days, where I feel most guilty for asking him to put up with all of this, I also feel awfully blessed to have found someone who will love me through it all.

Words can’t express my thankfulness, but maybe kisses can?

2 thoughts on “The True Cost of Marrying Someone with Chronic Illness

  1. I could relate to this post in several ways. I also have a man (sent by God) who has walked with me through multiple health battles almost 30 yrs now. And I, too, have felt guilty about the money spent on me over all these years. (We could’ve had a summer house, by now, in some far off location with all that money. 😉 ) He initially had to pay my doctor bills (while we were engaged) just so I’d be well enough to walk down the aisle, but he had no idea how difficult our journey would get. But, he has been my rock and says he’d do it all over again. God knew we needed each other for various reasons, and we both say the trials have solidified our marriage and our love is stronger for it; we work as a team. So, no doubt you both will also find lasting joy in having each other as true helpmates and best friends. I’m happy there are good, Godly men that love us like Christ does. May God bless your upcoming marriage! PS I found you had followed me on Instagram this AM and I came here to check out your site. I think it might be kind of a God-thing. 🙂 Oh, and I live in Indiana,

    1. Thanks so much for visiting and sharing your experience! I’ve felt more and more reassured as we go through pre-marital counseling, knowing that the struggles we face together will bring us closer, without losing sight of the fact that this whole marriage thing is going to be so much fun! And you’re so right, finding a man that loves as Christ loves is such an incredible blessing. Thanks again for sharing your kind words, they mean so much!! God bless you!

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